


goodbye, my almost lover

by laurelcastillos



Category: How to Get Away with Murder
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Rebecca Sutter, F/F, F/M, Femslash February
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-22
Updated: 2015-02-22
Packaged: 2018-03-14 13:33:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3412505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laurelcastillos/pseuds/laurelcastillos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(goodbye, my hopeless dream.)</p><p>rebecca misses wes and misses lila and misses not wanting to cry whenever she thinks of either of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	goodbye, my almost lover

Wes can't look her in the eyes anymore.

Wes, who once who so believed in her, who was willing to _kill_ for her. Her loyal boyfriend, her only friend in this hellhole, can't even glance at her without a disappointed expression spreading over his features. And, God, it kills her almost as much as Lila's death killed her, realizing that her Wes, her sweet Wes, now despises her.

Wes's apartment, which was once like a home to her, now feels void of any emotion but _regret_ , awful and bitter regret. She and Wes don't talk anymore, save the occasional run-in out in the hallways - like the one that happened that Friday, a bitingly cold night that made slender Rebecca shiver and wrap her sweatshirt tighter around her frame.. She was on her way home from work, a large bruise blossoming on the side of her neck, and he was on his way to work, heavy books clutched in his arms and a serious look on his face.  _Like ships in the night, that's what he called it so long ago._  

"Rebecca?" His eyebrows furrow, as if he can't recognize her. 

"Yeah," she replies dismissively, running a hand through her hair and sighing. "What? Can't you recognize the bitch who killed Lila Stangard?" It pains her to say those very words, but she can tell that's the only thought running through his mind. He's like an open book, that boy.

"Rebecca, don't say that about yourself." His voice is admonishing, sharp, nothing like the sweet Wes she's used to. His expression softens in an instant, however, as his dark eyes land upon the bruise forming on her neck. "Who did that to you?"

She shrugs a thin shoulder nonchalantly. "Some drunk asshole at the bar I work at. Was pissed that I couldn't get him another beer when he was wasted. No biggie."

" _Becca-"_ He shakes his head and touches a hand to the bruise gently, and it's all too much for her - his touch and him using the moniker Lila so often teasingly called her and the look in his eyes, pitying and patronizing - and she has to fight back a wave of tears. "Come on; let's get you some ice for that." His hand drops and he gestures to his apartment.  _Like I've forgotten where it is. Like I could ever forget._

"Don't you have to go to class?" she calls after him, her step slow and easy. 

"Class can wait, Rebecca." And, soon enough, she's in his apartment, sitting on the corner of his bed and swinging her legs and waiting all too impatiently for him to arrive with the ice he's promised. It only takes him a minute or two - maybe even less - before he's at her side, holding out a small baggie of ice and some kind of warm liquid in a chipped blue mug that reads "Middleton Law" in bright white text.

"What's that?" she questions, pointing at the strange beverage he's holding with a curious tilt to her head.

"Hot chocolate." He thrusts it out to her, and she takes it with a confused frown. "You should really drink it - it's too cold in this building for you _not_ to have something warm." The gesture is so endearing that she actually smiles, a fleeting, genuine, wholehearted _smile_ , and takes a big gulp of the rich liquid, surprised at just how delicious it is.

It's only a moment before that look of concern takes over his features once again, and he leans down, pressing the ice to the side of her neck. Letting out a wince at the surprising cold of the ice pack, Rebecca mutters, "That's good. Thanks, Wes."

Despite her proclamation that it's fine, Wes still holds the ice to her neck, his look of concern gradually shifting into one she barely recognizes. It's one that a _lawyer_ would don, and it scares her a bit.

"Rebecca, did you kill Lila?" It's such a shift from their moment of camaraderie that she almost laughs, her fingernails digging into the tender skin of her palm.

"No. Wes, _no_. I loved her."

\- - - 

Rebecca Sutter is not the type of girl who giggles. No, her laughter is sharp, sudden, almost cruel, yet the sound that escapes her mouth as Lila rests manicured fingers on her cheek and kisses her is most certainly a _giggle_.

"What, am I not a good kisser?" Lila plays at being offended, but they both know that she's only teasing.

"You're a _great_ kisser, Li," she shoots back, her words seeming sarcastic but her grin revealing what she means. "You just make me laugh sneaking up on me like that, babe."

" _Babe_?" The other girl's eyebrows knit together, and Rebecca regrets every word that she's spoken.

"What?" Rebecca bites back a sigh, knowing what exactly is about to come.

"I have a boyfriend, you know." Lila twirls a strand of red hair around her finger and averts her eyes, looking exactly like the innocent flower she's so wonderful at pretending to be.

"Believe me, I know. His name's Griffin, and he's a perfect little virgin who's also a major fucking prick who treats both of us like shit."

"Rebecca!" Her eyes widen at the language the dark-haired girl has chosen to use.

Rebecca rolls her eyes. "I'm sorry, Miss Perfect. Did I offend your delicate Catholic sensibilities? Which word was it? Tell me and I might even consider confessing my sins to the Lord this Sunday."

"Don't be so awful, Becca. You know I'm not even Catholic." 

"Really? Your darling boyfriend, Griffin, seems to think otherwise. Maybe you should tell him - _then_ , you'll be rid of him." The heartbroken look in Lila's eyes nearly crushes Rebecca, and she bites her lower lip, wrapping an arm around Lila and pulling her close, stroking the fair red hair of the other girl. "Lila, you know I didn't mean that."

"You did," she sniffles, leaning into Rebecca's touch despite the words that escape her lips. "You're so bad. God, I don't even know why I like you."

Her heart seems to stop in that moment, and her eyes widen in an almost innocent fashion. "You like me?"

"Yes, you idiot." And Lila's lips are on hers, tasting of maraschino cherries and sugar and glee, and Rebecca falls back onto Lila's bed, melting into her and letting her eyes flutter shut.  _God, she's everything that I've ever wanted._

\- - - 

"You  _what_?" His eyebrows furrow, his expression genuinely confused, and she has to resist the urge to roll her eyes.

"I loved her, Wes. I'm  _bisexual._ Jesus Christ, we live across the street from the LGBTQ pride center of the city. I've said in your vicinity that I like girls. God, people never learn," she sighs, surprised by the look of compassion that makes its way onto his face.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" she questions, arching a dark eyebrow. "Glad that the little street girl you took on didn't kill somebody? Eager to exploit me as some poor little survivor? Because-"

She can't say she doesn't like it when he leans down, pressing his lips against hers in a moment of bravery on his part. She can't say that she doesn't smile at the familiarity of it all as he slips his hands underneath the thin black t-shirt she's wearing, his touch all too gentle and unsure. She _can_ say, however, that she's still smiling when he pulls back, his brown eyes worried and a little confused.

"I shouldn't have done that-"

"Yes, you should have." And she rises up, takes his face in her hands tenderly, and kisses him again.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you liked this! <33


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